Most will agree an illness, a terrorist attack, or a missing passport can quickly transform a heavenly holiday into a hellish experience. But how about an uncooperative or demanding travel companion? The wrong buddy can steal the “magic” from your magical getaway, leaving you bitter and disillusioned for the rest of the trip, which is why we’ve compiled a list of holiday killjoys to avoid at all costs… You’re welcome.

The Cyborg: Obsessively bound to their mobile devices, cyborgs are more interested in virtual reality than in reality. Any remarks to them would most likely be greeted with “Sorry, what did you say?” or silence. With eyes permanently glued to their screen, there’s no point reminiscing about your afternoon visit to Table Mountain. They didn’t see it.

The Instagrammer: In the innocent days of yore, long before social media was even a concept, travellers took photos of interesting vistas and exotic locations mostly for personal documentation and keepsakes. Today, photos are all about getting the best shot for the most number of ‘likes’, even if that means sitting on the mouth of a lava-spitting volcano. Because the Instagrammer lives for the shots, not for the moment, be prepared to dedicate a huge chunk of time playing personal photographer.

And how much was that flight ticket to Gambia, again?

The Gourmand:  Surely, whetting the palate with foreign flavours is one of the most exciting aspects of travelling. But if your companion is wont to stuff their face every fifteen minutes, they might force you to cut back on sightseeing or pay more in taxi fares if you choose to go it alone. Either way, you’ll lose.

The Shopaholic:  If your idea of a holiday is to shop till you drop, then by all means bring along that friend with a black belt in shopping. But if holidaying to you means soaking in the local ambience, watching fishermen cast their nets in the Indian Ocean, or strolling down the cobbled alleyways of Stone Town, then you’re in for a rude awakening. You will spend your waking hours gathering the ephemeral instead of amassing long-lasting memories.

The Whiner: Among travel companions from hell, whiners take the biscuit. These energy vampires will suck the fun out of your adventure with endless streams of complaints. “The hotel room is small.” … “I’m tired of walking.”… “The shower isn’t powered.” … “This chicken isn’t dry enough.” … “I don’t like their music.” … “The air is drying my skin.” …  “My feet are aching and so are my eyelashes.”

By the end of your first day in Kigali, you’ll be dreaming of ending your trip just to rid yourself of your personal gadfly.

The Scaredy Cat: Scaredy cats don’t understand the inherent link between travel and risk. For wayfarers, the risk of uncertainty is subsumed by the thrill of discovering hidden gems, be it in a meal of roasted locusts or the joy of sharing a laugh with the locals, who finally piece together your mangled Hausa.

Dining with an intrepid pal is a doubly rewarding experience as they can taste your meal and you theirs, giving you both more menu choices and a bang for your buck. But with a Scaredy Cat, be rest assured they’ll settle for something blandly uninspiring as fried potatoes or something far worse.

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